Thursday, December 18, 2008

time time time

It's 3:26am and what am I doing?? "nothing much".. really "wasting my time" when I should be studying. I just finished a take-home final which i turned in, and now I should be studying for my other final that will start at 5pm tomorrow (or really today).

But you know what?? I really really don't care much about these finals. I care in the sense that I don't want grades to ruin my gpa, and I don't want all my work in class to go in the drain. Yet, I really don't give a hoot to the subject-matter of these classes. FYI, my classes are called: social theory, sociology of work, sociology of entrepreneurship, and nutritional science. I am interested in what I learn, but I get pretty sick of things early on. And studying and working on papers is really too much for me.

I wish I could be those people who can put no time and effort into homework, papers, finals and still do pretty well. But if you give me anything to do, I will just always spend hours on it.. no matter what it is. Why?? I don't know, that's just my habit of doing things. I really wonder why I even try so hard right now. This is more bad than good.

It's ok though. Cuz I've learned to put my guard down and sometimes it's not that I spend hours working intensely on things. I just take my time, and do some other things. And I was just blogging now to put my mind off from that horrid final all about innovation and entrepreneurship. Sick of it now.. why do people make a study out of it?? I just hope I can put this into use someday.. (hehe)

anyways, must sleep.

Monday, October 13, 2008

this world

needs God, no doubt about it.
Why? because evil is so rampant.. and we all are weak enough to become sucked into it.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Beginning of all things

'Tis the season.. of school!
As much as I relished at the thought of being back at school, being busy and useful, I haven't had much time to be prepared for all the drastic changes.. All is going by in such a blur at times. I've been wondering why that is.

Well, there was the death of a beloved family member: my grandfather. His name is John Vanderwerff. Grandfather John was my Dutch step-grandfather.. and I used to delight at the fact that he was my grandfather when I was little. He has been a truly beloved grandfather to me, almost like a second father. I've grown up with him and lived with him. Oh, how I miss him. How much we all realized that he was truly a blessing to all of us. I am dumbfounded at times still that he's actually gone, no longer here in this world. At the same time, I've come to accept his absence.. without much resistance or emotional toil. And I am so surprised at myself for being this way. But, I believe God called him to depart this world at His timing.

Actually, I am more at peace to know that he has gone.. not suffering from physical illness and dying anymore. Even more, I'm glad he's not in the place to worry, to fear, and to feel sadness anymore. This world is such a hard place to live.. We all need Christ, but how many of us actually realize that? And even so, how many of us actually strive our best to make our life worth it for Christ??

Even if we are physically living.. there's sheer magnitude of difference between those who are alert and alive in their spirit, and those who are dead in the spirit. Let's do our best to be alive.. truly alive and free the way God created us to be.

I have been struggling to overcome my sense of hopelessness and doubt. "Help me overcome my unbelief."Why do I have such things? I don't know exactly.. but perhaps from the spiritual dryness I've been experiencing for a prolonged period of time. There is definite dryness in norcal, and dryness within me. This is the cause of my sense of loss when we're already into the 3rd week of school. On and off, up and down.. HOWEVER, the good news is that I am being restored, and I hope and pray that I will soar on wings like eagles someday.

Regardless of where I am, what condition I'm in.. I am thankful for God's grace. Even this sense of awareness of my weak faith, I am thankful for. As I come to realize my moral failings, my weaknesses, it allows greater dependency and greater faith and desperation for God's real divine presence and power. And now the challenge for me is to seek Him at all cost and at all time.. instead of being stuck in this pitiful state of self-remorse. That is the real challenge for me.. to pick myself back up and be striving my best for him, learning to be faithful even at times of uncertainty. Please pray that I won't get tired, but that GOD would miraculously be my rest and my strength, both physically and spiritually.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

hello world =)

I'm kind of a late starter perhaps in blogging. I've done the old usual things like xanga back in the day. Stopped doing much of that for awhile... perhaps a whole 4 years? or more?

Anyways, I'd like to freely just jot down my thoughts here, being purely myself. But I'd also like to take the time and effort to write and post here things that could be more relevant to the world. What I mean by that is.. I don't want to bore whoever the reader is.
You see, throughout most of my life I've been always in the habit of writing in a personal journal. This was of course for personal use, and the only other people who've read my entries are my family. They, for some reason, love reading them. Whenever I read my old journals and past entries, I feel like I'm suffocating! That's because.. I tend to write in a way that is very personal and subjective, full of emotions and deep deep thoughts. This by no means is bad... but if that's your only component, your writing lacks much flavor. I want to make this blog definitely different from what I'm normally used to doing. Therefore it will take much effort on my part, but I'm excited to push myself.

Perhaps I should introduce myself briefly. I am currently going to be enrolled in what I hope to be my last year as an undergrad at UC Berkeley. I'm Korean American. I've come to grow fond of the the Bay Area during the past 3 years I've been living here. But I do enjoy all the various places I've had the experience of living in... such as North Carolina, Seoul Korea, Anaheim (OC), Redondo Beach, Pasadena, etc. I absolutely cannot get sick of traveling. I've had the fortunate experience of traveling because of mission trips to mainly East Asia and Brazil. I have been blessed in many ways because of family, friends, and the Christian community God continues to provide in my life. I love my family, my friends from all walks of life, and I am striving to love God most. As you can tell.. I am a Christian, believer and follower of Christ. And this path is definitely hard and narrow, but God is absolutely gracious and abundant in His love for not just me but for this world. And I deeply desire to learn and inherit his heart as mine. As I become older and more mature, I realize how weak and small I am in comparison to this vast world.. yet with greater clarity, I am understanding the workings of this world.. and it becomes smaller and more understandable at the same time.